Jordan scheduled an ultrasound for yesterday. Fortuitously.
She began miscarrying last night.
Fortuitous because she had some warning.
She had all day to grieve because the ultrasound revealed the fetus hadn’t grown since the ultrasound we had at the U.
Obviously there were many tears and cries of anguish—and there will continue to be on occasion. But she said a few things to me yesterday that were comforting—a sign of understanding and maturity.
In so many words, she said “things only get better.” A strong stance for someone who has been through so much in the last years.
But a stance from someone who is willing to hold on and continue to place God first.
Do we definitively know the eternal status of the fetus? No. Is there hope no matter what? Yes.
Are there still wails and tears? Yes.
I was impressed at Ester Rasband’s funeral by this scripture:
45 Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die, and more especially for those that have not hope of a glorious resurrection.
Doctrine and Covenants 42:45
I don’t generally weep from those who depart mortality. My tears come for the missing and the temporary loss—when they come at all.
My tears this time were for both the loss and for Jordan. Which provides a reflection for me: love was at the center of these tears (more especially hers).
So this leaves us very much back at the beginning. Together, but not expecting another.
Is it possible we will try again, have another embryo implanted? Possible. But it’s time to regroup and mourn.
We can’t take two years like last time.
Hopefully we can find peace and healing through atonement sooner this time.