After all the poking and prodding, the egg retrieval, more poking and prodding, embryo transfer, more poking, and and excruciating 10 day wait….we’re not pregnant.
Devastated doesn’t even begin to cover what I felt.
There were and still are tears.
The triggers seem to lurk around every corner.
As I was laying in bed listening to a meditation specifically for sleep As I laid in bed running through different scenarios and memories relating to IVF while a sleep meditation was playing I happened to catch a few words of what was said. Gratitude, happiness, generosity and how they were all related.
Since receiving the news Wednesday I have been filled with ingratitude. None of the wonderful things I have in my life husband, family, garden, etc have been enough. I can only focus on the thing I don’t have-children. Thus, making myself miserable any moment of free time.
The way to change this would be to be more grateful right? It will take practice because practice makes permanent.