In my late teens/early twenties, I figured I get married some time between 21-24, and have children relatively quick thereafter.
Neither of those happened.
Married at 28, no kids at 32.
Jordan wrote about some of her feelings in Hard Heart, and although mine are quite different, I feel some things similarly.
I’m over-competent. I do most things better than most people. And I do some things at such a high level I don’t even know how to coach incompetent people how to do it better because some of what I do is intuitive.
Most non-parents probably feel they would be better parents than others they see.
I feel this pretty frequently. However, I am also aware I have zero experience, so “I would do ____ differently” doesn’t really cut it.
So I’ve wanted to be a dad for a long time.
Having it not happen hasn’t been that hard. Dating for a long time without getting married taught me that it’s ok for things to take a long time, and I shouldn’t be overly worried about things not happening in my timeline.
But that doesn’t mean when I see a newborn I am not overcome with “that’s cute. I want one.”
Or when I see a toddler, “I’d like to have one of those around, and try to see the world through their eyes” (even if I have no idea how to understand anything they attempt to say).
There are similar lines that I have for children, youth, and teens, too.
A teen in my house is likely to be a formidable thing. Two smart parents, one that relies heavily on logic and reasoning to get things done. Combine that with the un-reason of teenage hormones, and Jordan and I might meet our match.
But one day we might be able to have a deep conversation with a creature we made that has learned to think and wipe it’s own butt (this is why a dog will always be inferior to actual children).
So am I ready for the challenge of fatherhood? No, not at all. But am I willing to deal with it? Yes.
The late nights. The lack of sleep. The crazy world we apparently live in. Sure. Let’s go.